PRIDE: What It Means To Me

“JAMIE SPARKS IS A POOF.”

Charming, eh?

These words were my first personalised hate crime.

A boy in the village I grew-up in decided it would be pure hilarious to spray paint this phrase on a fence. It just so happened that this fence was situated on a main road, on which every car on the estate would drive past multiple times on a daily basis. The capital letters were scrawny and rushed; the violent bright blue contrasted with the dark brown of the fence, perfectly.

The police were super helpful by doing absolutely nothing and I actually don’t even remember who painted over the graffiti.

My Mum? Probably.

Love thy neighbour, eh?

“Be you…but only not you…and much better.”

Growing-up in a Katy Perry style church was a bit of a mixed bag. I have loads of amazing memories and cherish many people from that time in my life. Plus, the community as a whole were really good to my family after my dad left. That being said, being in church left me with an overriding feeling of “not being good enough”. Not from God, not from my friends but from a small number of conservative bigots within the Christian community.

Even though I wasn’t “living a life of sin” at the time or even engaging with sexual relationships of any kind, I did feel a distinct flame of rage with every homophobic or trans-phobic phrase or comment I’d hear. It’s one of the many reasons why I don’t engage with the Christian community as a whole any more. I do still regard myself as a person of faith - I still pray and I even read my Bible once in a while too. But you get to choose who you spend your time with and so, I choose to spend my time with people who edify me.

“Love is patient, love is kind…”

—1 Corinthians 13:4-8, The Bible

“Your sexuality isn’t real. You’re just gay.”

Being bisexual is wonderful.

Especially when a gay former co-worker, in a hostile fashion, says that your bisexual sexuality isn’t valid and that you don’t understand your own identity. It was the same workplace that discriminated against me for being dyslexic and who I would have sued if I had the finances to do so.

Needless to say, I only stayed at THAT workplace for exactly 2 months before extracting myself to pastures new - to more progressive and inclusive workplace environments.

All I can say is, thank God for the workplaces I’ve had the pleasure to work in since which have restored my faith in humanity and shown me that the world isn’t such a dark place after-all.

Never let someone try to tell you who are are or who you are not.

“What if I can’t satisfy you?”

I’m not a slut but…what if I was? What of it?!

Seriously though, people seem to think bisexual individuals live some sort of European cinematic lifestyle, filled with debauchery and croissants. Sure, that might be the reality for some people and I do love French pastries! But for me? Oh, hell no! I date one person at a time, monogamously and I’m committed to the people I’m in a relationship with.

That’s why it’s hilarious that navigating dating as a bisexual person can be so problematic at times. Even if I date a fellow bisexual!!! Sure, you’d think she’d be cool and understanding with the fact that I find people from both genders attractive…and yet, “What if I can’t satisfy you?”.

Girl, are you high?! G-bye.

Never let someone try to make their own insecurities your own.

“I can’t excuse your sexuality.”

Literally. Word for word. An actual quote. These words were said to me by an ex-girlfriend, shortly before I ejected her from my life like a T-shirt from a T-shirt cannon.

Excuse me?!

EXCUSE YOU!!! 😂

Never let someone try to make you ashamed of who you are - especially if they’re a bigot.

“True love finally happens when you by yourself.”

—Soulmate by Lizzo

What I’ve learned in 34 years of people trying to tell me who I am, is that nobody knows who I am but me! I get to choose my identity and path in life. My life is mine and mine to live alone!

As I always say, “Do you and do you well!”. Live your best life and just be confident in who you are. The great thing is that nobody does you better, so be confident in who you are and own it.

So, hiya! I am Jamie Sparks. I no longer regard myself as a British citizen. I am a European. I am Scottish. I vote for either the Green party or SNP. If I was an American, I’d vote democrat. I believe in the need for better gun control, a woman’s right to choose and equal rights for all and I hope to God the next US President is a woman! I am a Christian. I dislike reality TV and Camembert cheese gives me anxiety. Oh, and I am bisexual man.

G-bye.